Aunty Knows Best, Until the House Is On Fire
The ABC will audit Washington all day. Auditing Canberra is another matter entirely.
The ABC will audit Washington all day. Auditing Canberra is another matter entirely.
There is a special kind of bloke in Australia now.
Crisp shirt. Soft hands. Voice like he was raised in an ABC podcast studio between a soy flat white and a copy of The Monthly. Smirks through every sentence like he just solved geopolitics while waiting for his oat milk.
That bloke is Matt Bevan.
ABC journalist. Talks like he is Henry Kissinger with a ring light. Like the smartest bloke in the room. But mate, the room is mostly ABC subscribers who clap because someone said Trump bad in a confident tone. That is not a tough room. That is karaoke night for inner-city compliance.
This is the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. Not the American Broadcasting Corporation. Not the Trump Derangement Corporation. Australian.
Meaning maybe, just maybe, they should spend some time on Anthony Albanese steering this country like a bloke navigating a ferry with oven mitts.
Rent smashed.
Power bills up.
Housing cooked.
Immigration pressure everywhere.
Productivity asleep.
Social cohesion strained.
Young people locked out.
But nah. Let us get another episode of Orange Man Diplomacy Bad.
That is like your house flooding in Penrith and your neighbour running over to tell you the lawn in Texas looks uneven.
This same ABC culture loves taking swings at soldiers. Hard men. Blunt men. Masculine symbols. People who represent force, hierarchy, grit, old Australia.
They rarely bring that same bloodlust to bureaucrats who wreck policy or ideologues who wreck institutions.
Funny that.
Because deep down, a lot of this class has a masculinity problem. They do not know how to integrate strength so they moralise against it. They were taught masculinity is toxic unless it is crying in a Qantas ad. So a soldier unsettles them. A Trump unsettles them. Strength without permission terrifies them.
Then war shows up.
And the first people yelling "Where is America?" if trouble ever came to our shores would be half the dorks laughing in that comments section. The same people who spend every week mocking the alliance would be the first ones looking north when missiles start flying.
Too late then, champion.
You do not get to spend a decade sneering at the bloke with the hose and then ask why he did not save your burning house.
And what exactly are they defending in these clips?
The Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, by implication. Not directly. They are too slippery for that. They do it through contrast. America aggressive. Trump reckless. Iran humiliated. Diplomacy betrayed. Suddenly the IRGC becomes the misunderstood victim.
This is an organisation linked to proxy warfare, regional destabilisation, threats through the Strait of Hormuz, and decades of leverage politics through oil and militancy.
But in ABC land, the real danger is Trump's tone.
That is like blaming the bouncer because the bikie gang feels disrespected.
Since Trump came back: America still the world's innovation engine. Still attracting capital. Still dominant in AI. Still energy powerful. Still militarily unmatched. Still capable of forcing negotiations just by moving assets. Markets still care what America says before breakfast.
What has Albanese delivered?
Housing worse. Cost of living worse. National confidence weaker. More slogans than solutions. More stage-managed empathy than structural reform. More photos than victories.
Australia feels like a country being managed for headlines rather than built for citizens.
One leader moves global markets with a sentence. The other moves from press conference to press conference like a substitute teacher trying to keep Year 9 calm before lunch.
And how convenient that Aunty paused the comments.
Nothing says confidence in your journalism like locking the doors after the sermon.
Lecture hard, moderate harder. Sneer freely, but never be scrutinised with equal force.
The hardest men in that building are usually the security guards downstairs.
Australia does not need more taxpayer-funded cool kids mocking Trump between quinoa breaks. We need a national broadcaster with the guts to audit Canberra the way it audits Washington.
Less performance, more courage. Less smirk, more spine.
Because when the real world arrives, war, recession, supply shock, coercion, hard power, none of these podcast princes are saving anybody.
And the bloke acting toughest in the studio is usually first to run when the lights go out.
Aunty knows best. Until the house is on fire.
Rico Holt · ricoholt.com
If the hose sneer met the smoke, tip the desk that named the fire first. Essays stay free.
Leave a tip · A$5Get the next essay and the book launch price first.
Privacy: your email gets used for one thing, sending you Rico Holt essays and book news. It's stored with Netlify, our form host. Never sold, never shared. Want off? Reply to any email and you're gone.